5

Although you decided at one point that having a twitter account for your own personal use would be, uh, like all other social networking tools, completely ______________ (insert politically incorrect adjective here: "gay", "retarded"), not to mention passe, you did decide that having one for your avatar, The Annoying Deadbeat Townie, would be a good thing. And here you are on Twitter. Tweets ahoy!


This will give you something to do besides sit on the couch and watch some of the worst movies you've ever seen. Monster in Law, with Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez, is still rattling around in your poor addled brain like a box of Cocoa Puffs. Maybe not rattling. Sloshing, what with the added milk that gets all chocolatey when the cereal's been sitting in it for a while. Ah, that was always your favorite part! The sweet milk that made your teeth and tongue feel furry.


Boy, that was a stinker, though. Not that you'd expect any less. Maybe you're a condescending snob, though, but wouldn't any decent parent be concerned when her only son, an heir to a fortune, brings home a big-butted temp who's trying to dress like something out of Hair? Let's just put it this way: you're not sold on the Jennifer Lopez romantic comedy.


Is anyone?


But then you were still glued to the couch when Juno, uncut, started. You'd always resisted this faux-slacker feel-good vehicle. And right you were. Not a bad story or plot line, but the most insufferable dialogue comes from the mouths of babes, and if someone could have kept a lid on Ellen Page's pie-hole, the whole thing would have been less cloying.


But you can't be bothered to get off the couch and find the remote, so you're stuck with this banality and bullshit. Turning off the damned thing doesn't seem to be an issue, either, so there you lie: mindless and damned.